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Cover Story
An exclusive interview with John Kelly, M.D.

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Jay Noller has a NEED for SPEED

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Joseph Yao, M.D.
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Nate Browne
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Industry News

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Publisher's Desk
Health, Wellness and Safety Pavilion debuts at GATS

Murphy's World
Stand-up routine for cops falls flat

Say What?
Can you maintain a healthy lifestyle on the road?

Fun & Games
From the warped mind of Steven Wright


Murphy's World

Stand-up routine for cops falls flat

I recently delivered part of a load to a local ranch store in Nevada. It was just a few pieces, and I was in and out. The customer mentioned he had a few hundred Styrofoam blocks to return to the plant where I load each week, and he asked if I would return them. I informed him I couldn’t, as I had a full trailer and no deck space, but said I would get them in a few days on my way back through.
     Two days later I rolled back through in the early morning hours and stopped to pick up the blocks as promised. I pulled around back and there they were, all neatly stacked, so I began loading them on to my trailer with the other blocks I had from previous stops. I was down to my last pallet when I saw blue lights and sirens come down the alley right behind my trailer. Two cops jumped out, weapons drawn, and ordered me down off my trailer.
     Once down, they walked over and inquired as to what I was doing. It was too easy, so I replied, “I’m part of a international Styrofoam block smuggling ring that makes sculptures, so I’m stocking up.” 
     The female officer started laughing out loud but her partner was as serious as a heart attack. He cuffed me and put me in the car while they checked my ID. They eventually let me out of the car so I could get back to work.
     Now I make it a point to make my pickups during store hours and not at night.

Big Murphy

Dear Ghost,
Thanks for the letter … and the laughs.
     The question we all have to ask ourselves when we find ourselves in these situations goes something like this: “Do I crack wise with the cops and go for a cheap laugh, or do I just play it straight so everyone remains cool and I can get on with my business as quickly as possible?”
     I know how tempting it is to crack wise, especially when you’re handed a perfect setup, but my advice is to play it straight with the cops and save the wise cracks for the boys on the dock. Someone with a badge, a gun and a bad sense of humor can ruin your whole day.
     Sure, you cracked up one of the two cops, but as you found out, you better be Chris Rock-funny and bring down the entire house if you’re going to do your stand-up routine before a late-night, all-officer audience in a back alley.


Murphy and Lucky Dog

small murphy