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Trace Adkins

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Best excuse

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Designer Italian shoes not necessary for good health

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Fun & Games

Best excuse         

A guy bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red-and-blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.
"What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift, and this is my last pull-over. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "Have a nice night," said the officer!

Very punny

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
• Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
• And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to a friend, with the hope that at least one of the puns would cause a laugh.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Did you know...

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

A kangaroo rat can last longer without water than a camel.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.

The first CD pressed in the U.S. was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."

A two-by-four board is really 1.5 in. by 3.5 in.

Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. (Why couldn't it be chocolate?!)

Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

"The Guinness Book of Records" holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public librarie